Tonight was a huge night for me, spiritually.  Our Life Group meeting (small groups from church that meet outside of regular church times and settings) lasted all of 5 1/2 hours and only felt like about 2 1/2.  This is especially shocking because I came off of about 2 combined hours of sleep the previous night, waking up at about 4 to play drums at church.

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I was in the middle of a brief period in which I missed many consecutive Life group meetings, church functions, etc.  and basically was staying out of that community, and focusing only inward on myself.  Right in the middle of that, while I was drivingand focusing my thoughts elsewhere, I suddenly heard Jesus's voice clear as a bell say to me: "You are not meant to be an inward person.  You are an outward person."  I wrestled with that some, but didn't really know what to do with it.  I eventually brought all the inwardness that I had been putting myself into to Christ and had to come to terms with all the time I had pretty much wasted in that month/month and a half of time.

Last Sunday, Jesus gave me some pretty clear vision at church.  The message was "Choosing Who You'll Be," part of our "Getting This Christmas Right" series.  It was about making the most of family reunions and get-togethers over the holidays, as many people find themselves just gritting their teeth trying to get through seeing family without too many casualties.  I caught the vision when Pastor Pete challenged us, instead of gritting our teeth, to be the voice of grace and truth to our families, and to specifically make each person's experience a little better, and to add to each person's life who decided to come.  This brought some direction to what I had heard a few weeks before, as I am expecting get-togethers with both sides of Katie's family in the coming week.  I made absolutely sure to attend small group that night, and gave witness to the vision I received.  I also decided, in preparation for this and in practice of spiritual "dieting" to start a fast from that Sunday until December 26th, giving up all video and computer games, so that I can instead focus on preparing myself spiritually.

This fast, of course, has worked to varying degrees, but my most fruitful night of it was last Friday night, when I asked God for the the strength to run forward with the vision I had caught.

Tonight we had the opportunity to ask Jesus for specific people that we want to lead to Christ, and in the same prayer we also had the opportunity to ask for the gift of evangelism.  I offered up a few names, but did not initially ask for the gift of evangelism.  I felt led to do it, but I hesitated.  After our meeting was finished, I went to Justin, our Life Group leader and told him that I really wanted to ask for this gift, and so I prayed and he and Chris Anderson (nuther leader) witnessed it for me.  I prayed that Jesus would grant me the gift of evangelism and that he would give me eyes to see all of the hurting and lost people that he has placed in my life for me to impact.  I also prayed that the Holy Spirit would give me the strength and the power to fulfill all of the responsibilities that come along with this gift.

This, the vision I recieved, and the voice of Jesus I heard, have given this up and coming Christmas week a meaning like no other time in my life has ever had.

On the way home, I didn't realize that my right hand was making a hollow fist, as though holding something.  Jesus gave me a pretty clear picture that I now have a specific mission:  I suddenly had a picture of myself decked out in a suit of armor and most notably holding a sword, and I looked over and saw my right fist was in the perfect position to be grasping a sword.  Woah.  But I wasn't battling people.  Rather, I was fighting to help free people.

The responsibilities of what I've just asked for are not in any way light, but with what I've asked for and what he's already shown me, I have no reason, desire, or intention to turn back, and it is my hope that my life will be forever reclkessly marked by this decision, not for me, but for God's glory, and for every unconvinced, hurting, and lost person that He wants to use me for.  I am so excited right now, similar to how I felt on March 23rd of this last year, but still like nothing I've ever felt before.